…very long stay at the hospital, back and forth, since May of 2016.

I haven’t been in a proper mood to update, really update, since then and have become really lazy to make drafts, notes, and start on any writing since I got home the first time. A few weeks later, I was back at the hospital again, then back home after some months.. and again, back at the hospital.

It’s always the same story and reason why I get there: Seizure attack. Who knows why this happens? I am only aware that I have Kidney problems since then – why should I be getting a problem like this, no? It feels random why this happened. Should I blame my Dialysis treatments why I get this kind of condition? Do the Dialysis treatments make me more weak and unhealthy (although in the same condition as “recovering” like what the doctors say with this treatment) that I have become more susceptible to other sicknesses?

I get my blood cleaned and rid of toxins every other day. Four hours of my day spent sitting on a chair waiting for the treatment to be done and try not to sleep. Shouldn’t that make me more healthy? Apparently not. It cleans my blood but makes me physically weaker and get sick easily from other people or being in the wrong area (when it’s cold, I’d get sick and the same if I’m in a busy area where there are a lot of people, and if I don’t wear a mask when I’m out).

Should I blame my old activities and habits I do before? Staying up late, using the computer too much, being in front of a screen almost the whole day, using a camera, using a phone. If I have been doing this for years and months, shouldn’t I be getting this Seizure while I was still in school where I actually spend ALL my time in front of a computer? Thank God I don’t… but still, when you think about it.

Anyway, for everyone’s concern, I am doing okay than last time. Not totally okay like hey I can go out by myself anywhere and anytime without anyone’s assistance, or that I can commute by myself now, or that I can do most heavy activities now. I still can not do that.

I feel that the only time I’ll be able to do that is if and when I get a new Kidney – I think that’s how things would start off for me. Now I feel very limited and unable to do most things. I feel useless and just unable to do anything.

I can’t even clean my own room, and that really annoys me because I wanna clean and sort my room. Or even spend hours writing a post here. I’d just get scolded if I try to do anything that’ll make me look busy. Same with trying to work in front of a computer, making websites, or even web surfing for hours. It is where I do most of my work. Helllooo I was on my way to doing more web work and make more money when this stupid sickness got in my way. Fuck.

To sum my year, here’s a timeline of the hospital stays I’ve had in 2016

• First time I was in the hospital this year was because of a blood clot in my head. Blood pressure rose up and it gave me a headache too much for most headache meds to simply cure. My head had to be opened for the surgeon to take out the blood and, unfortunately, leave it undone after. Sure, he and the team stitched and did what they “could” but that was it. I don’t know what the fuck is up with that surgeon who overcharged my dad for the treatment and did it backhandedly (away from the knowledge of the Billing Department) because he left my head open (not literally, but you know what I mean!) in that part he cut off my skull. There was a part of my skull where you can see a pulse-like beating. It may look weird and amusing but not something easy to take care of in the long run. This was also the time we were charged with more than a mil which could have been the money for my transplant, but since this happened, good bye to that. I really do not like the entire stay and treatment in this hospital. Stay away from Parañaque Doctors Hospital.
• Second time I was in the hospital was because of a Seizure attack. I thought we were over this because of that surgery, but again here we are. I believe I was here for 2 months and a half. We moved to a different hospital from Parañaque Doctors Hospital. We went to National Kidney Institute where the doctor who knows my condition is located even though the hospital is far. Better doctors, better food (but not really, lol @ icky tasteless hospital food), better nurses. The surgeon was better too! Nicer and more concerned about his patients. This was the time when he and our OED friends visited me, thank you Chloe for making this happen!
• Third time was a few days after we literally just got out of the hospital and here we are the fuck again. The nurses and the doctors at the hospital were surprised to see us because we just got out, and then here we are. It’s almost like we never got out! Ugh, gosh. This is becoming really tiring. I think I had another surgery during this stay too. I think I had the titanium plate put in my head where there’s a hole (the one where the first surgeon cut off) by the NKI surgeon here. During this time, one of my favorite dogs was taken out of the house, people here got rid of him, and he’s somewhere out there.. I am unsure if he is still alive and well. It makes me so sad and heartbroken whenever I think and remember of him, probably happened sometime in October. Sigh. He even has a photo posted on a board on the wall just on top of where my laptop is.
• Fourth time was just two weeks ago today in the month of December. Almost two months and a half that I was away from the hospital and then I’ve had another Seizure attack while having breakfast at home weeks ago. I was laughing and my jaw started to do something only you would see in a person with a Seizure attack (I don’t know what it’s called). I’m glad we didn’t stay long. I’m glad our stay was short.

For a while during my time waiting at the Emergency Room at the hospital in my fourth visit, I thought that I would be spending Christmas Eve at the hospital but I did not. We were there for only 3 days I think. I’m sure everybody’s Christmas Eve and the whole 25th was fun and memorable for you all! :heart:

Hmm, I did spend my birthday at the hospital where we had cake, pasta, and pizza. Yum yum! Those food will be unforgettable, lol. And then next next day I had my Dialysis to get rid of the “bad food” in my blood. That small celebration and visits from my friends were really memorable for me.

Life’s gonna be like this where I am staying at home for the next coming years, probably. Eat all the bad food, with control, and get rid of them whenever I get my Dialysis.

Should I still expect any changes in my life, like a new Kidney? No? You’re right.. I probably shouldn’t expect changes. Man I’m feeling sad all of a sudden because of my missing dog taken away from me. 😞

Enjoy your last day of 2016, everyone! 

I’m off to spend mine sitting on a chair for four hours during the early hours of the 31st tomorrow.. zzz.